Definition of Empathy

“Empathy is the recognition and acknowledgment of the feelings of another. It’s not about experiencing those same emotions (Jeffrey, 2017)”

Empathy is experiencing the world from the client’s perspective, understanding his or her key issues, and saying them back accurately, without adding your own thoughts.

Empathy requires us to find something within ourselves that knows that feeling

Four Qualities of Empathy

Perspective taking
Staying out of judgment
Recognising emotions
Communicating their recognition

Empathy Skill 1 - Listening

Stop mental chatter
Don't interrupt
Focus on the detail of what they are saying

Empathy Skill 2 - Language

Empathy must not just be felt, it needs to be expressed in your language
Use empathetic statements to show that you understand to some extent, what they are going through
“I can see that you're having a really tough time right now and you just don't know how to manage this”

Empathy Skill 3 - Sincerity

Clients need to feel that you are genuine and sincere in your approach.

Effective therapists are authentic with their clients.

Empathy Skill 4 - Non-Judgment

A client will immediately shut down if they pick up that you are being judgmental
We all have a unique perspective in life
Don't assume your view is always right
Watch for any signs of prejudice that may come up

Effectively communicating Empathy

• 1) a sentence stem (I hear you are . . .)

• 2) a feeling label (feeling . . . happy, sad, mad, etc.)

• 3) context/brief paraphrase (because . . . when . . .)

• 4) tense and immediacy (right now . . . back then)

• 5) check out (is that right?)

Give yourself time to think
Use relatively short responses. The client should do most of the talking.
Give your response to the person, but remain yourself (be authentic).

Avoid:

Pretending to understand. Admit when you have lost the person’s meaning
Having no response. Acknowledge what has been said in some way.
Asking distracting questions
Interpreting stories
Giving advice
Confronting or arguing
Parrotting
Experiencing or showing sympathy
Using cliches